My nipple is on Facebook.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize