So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
