On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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