chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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