using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
