After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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