he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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