i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
