I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
