I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
