Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
