Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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