my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
