Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
