Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
