first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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