You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize