your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
