its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
