8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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