We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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