1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
