I can tuck mytits in my pants
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize