I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
