Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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