R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
