If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
