it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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