Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
