Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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