I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
