Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
