It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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