Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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