3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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