Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
