I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
sarcasm needs its own font
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize