Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
