Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
