the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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