Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
