I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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