I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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