You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
