my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
