she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
