new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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