dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
