love makes seman taste better
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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