At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
