i don't like sucking hair
I skipped work to stalk him.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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