Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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