So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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