If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
