i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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