i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
