whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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