I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
