I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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