Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
