So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
