I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
