Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
