nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
