Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
