I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
