Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
