O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
